The Grown-Up Tantrum: What Adults Can Learn from a Toddler

Have you ever been in a situation—at work, at home, or even out in public, like the grocery store—where someone did something that really pissed you off? Maybe that someone was a stranger, perhaps it was your own kid, or maybe, just maybe, that someone was yourself. We all make mistakes, and sometimes we beat ourselves up for them.

The Moment You Lose It—or Don't—and Everything That Comes After

Maybe you lost your cool in the moment. Maybe you held your composure but fell apart when you got home. Or you didn’t fall apart but kept replaying all the ways you could have handled it differently—all the things you could have said or done. But it’s too late now, so you drop it and move on. You think that’s the end of it—that you’ve let it slide and it’s in the past. But is it really in the past?

The real challenge lies in how you hold onto that experience—how you “move on” and process it rather than bury it. Think about a past situation or significant event in your life. Do you still feel the same emotions and sensations you did then, even on some level? The gut-wrenching anxiety? The pain or anger? Do you still hold resentment about something that happened years ago? When your mind goes there, your body feels it. The body cannot distinguish past or future—it can only experience the present. When you think about that thing, you bring it back to life in the now.

Buried Feelings Don’t Stay Buried

Then the snowball effect begins. As those feelings resurface, your body responds by doing what it needs to protect you—and over time, it can start to break down. Sometimes it shows up as emotional challenges like depression or anxiety; other times it manifests as real physical ailments. The biggest struggle most people face is finding balance—expressing big, uncomfortable emotions safely, while allowing the nervous system to remain calm and relaxed without becoming numb.

So what exactly is emotional regulation, and how does it come into play? It’s the ability to feel your emotions fully, expressively, and powerfully—without letting them control you or your actions. It’s understanding where they stem from and why they exist here and now. Most importantly, it’s recognizing that you have full control over how you manage those big feelings and how you respond, not react, in real-life situations.

One of the most powerful ways to support emotional regulation is through conscious breathing. Breathwork gives you a direct way to connect your mind and body, to slow down your thoughts, and to calm your nervous system in real time. When you learn to use your breath intentionally, you start to notice where tension lives in your body and how to release it—without suppressing your emotions or letting them take over.

One of the most important things I’ve learned is that we’re all doing the best we can with the knowledge we have in any given moment. How we handle situations has everything to do with perception and self-awareness. If you perceive a situation as one specific person’s or group’s fault, you’re placing blame outside yourself. I’m not saying it’s your fault—I’m saying the feelings you experience, while completely valid, are influencing how you react and respond to difficult situations.

The Toddler Within Us

When adults do shitty things, I like to think of them as toddlers. We’re all just big babies who only know what we know right now. And I get it—you might argue, “Adults know exactly what they’re doing!” Sure—but what defines an adult’s behavior? And what defines a toddler’s? Think about it. How does a toddler react when they have big feelings? They might yell, throw things, hit, stomp their feet, scream, or cry. Adults often do the same—especially those who’ve never learned any level of emotional regulation.

We yell at our children to stop fighting over silly games or toys—then turn around and argue with strangers at a ball game because “our team is better.”

We scold our children for throwing tantrums in the grocery store because they can’t have a candy bar—maybe we stay calm in public, but as soon as we get home, all hell breaks loose.

We hold it all in, “keep our cool,” until we finally explode at the smallest thing—the tipping point we didn’t see coming. Then we tell our kids it’s wrong to behave that way, while behaving the same way ourselves.

Small Steps Toward Big Emotional Freedom

Instead of dreading the next tantrum, try observing it. Most children are still deeply in tune with their bodies’ intelligence—they self-regulate naturally, in ways we’ve been taught are “wrong,” and eventually forget how to do.

Breathwork helps us relearn that natural self-regulation. Just as children intuitively cry or sigh to release emotion, intentional breathing helps adults do the same—without judgment. Each deep, conscious breath tells your nervous system it’s safe to let go.

Newborns and infants cry, scream, and make different sounds to express different needs. Toddlers do the same—but now they can also stomp, jump, or throw their little bodies on the ground. This is how their bodies innately regulate.

Somewhere along the way, we were told not to cry, not to raise our voices, not to throw things. That messaging implied that our feelings weren’t valid. So we suppressed them—and forgot how to express, process, and release them. Those unprocessed emotions show up later in life as anger, anxiety, resentment, and pain. We wonder why we snap so easily, but rarely dig deep enough to find the answer.

Why Kids Cry It Out Better Than We Do

Have you ever noticed how quickly children shift emotions? They can go from giggling to crying to laughing again in minutes. They might throw a puzzle piece across the room in frustration, then beam with pride when they finally get it right—completely forgetting the meltdown moments before.

Children don’t hold grudges or give silent treatments. They feel, express, and release—and then return to peace. They know the moment has passed. Many adults forget how to do that, living mentally in the past or future while their bodies exist in the now. That creates misalignment between mind, body, and spirit.

A child’s nervous system is often more regulated than an adult’s because it doesn’t need to protect itself by clinging to resentment or worry. Their tantrum is their regulation—the way they process and dissolve big emotions. Once the moment passes, they let it go and return to joy.

When You Stop Feeling, You Stop Healing

As we grow older, we acquire stress and conditioning. We suppress more, breathe shallowly into our chests instead of our diaphragms, and store unresolved emotions deep within the body. Our minds may forget, but our bodies remember. We visit doctors for chronic aches only to be told, “There’s nothing wrong, but here's some poison to numb the pain."

Over time, we stop allowing the somatic process to unfold. We push feelings down, make no changes, and let them stew. They become buried under new fears and traumas—a toxic cycle of unlearned lessons repeating until, one day, you finally wake up. You decide to change. You realize that you are the only thing you’ve ever had control over—and that the perfect time to start is always now.

This is where breathwork becomes a powerful ally. It’s simple, accessible, and always available—your body’s built-in tool for healing and release. Through breath, you can regulate your nervous system, bring awareness back to the present, and move energy that’s been trapped in your body for years.

So, what can you do to let go, de-stress, and regulate your emotions and nervous system? First, realize that real change begins within—not in someone else, not in your circumstances. Let go of the belief that if only this person changed, or that thing hadn’t happened, or you had more of something, life would be perfect. Release the external “if onlys” and become willing to evolve.

Then, do the work to unload what you’ve been carrying. Practice the art of healing.

Actively nurture your well-being—mentally, physically, and emotionally. Seek balance between mind, body, and spirit. Do things that bring you joy and fulfillment. Move your body. Get sunlight. Regulate your nervous system and release the stagnant energy and emotions that no longer serve you. Let go of control, expectations, and the pursuit of perfection.

A Journey Worth Taking—Back to You

Question everything—especially yourself. Where does your discomfort come from? Educate yourself. Read. Meditate. Pray. Play. Move. Try new things. Grow. For me, it started with breathwork. I found power in conscious breathing; I practiced often—not daily, not perfectly—but consistently enough to feel the shift. Over time, I realized how breath became my anchor. It helped me regulate my emotions, reconnect with my body, and soften into the present moment. Find what resonates with you.

Dig into the root cause of your discomfort—depression, anxiety, loneliness, resentment, whatever it may be. Explore it with curiosity, not judgment. Don’t analyze it to feed victimhood or overthinking. When you work toward understanding it, you’re choosing to evolve—and life begins to guide you on a completely new level.

And that, truly, is a beautiful journey to embark upon.