A Breath Away from Calm: Tools to Regain Control When Emotions Run High

When it comes to anxiety, anger, and emotional regulation, the most effective breathing techniques are those that slow the nervous system, re-engage the prefrontal cortex, and reestablish a sense of safety in the body.

A dysregulated nervous system can make even small triggers feel overwhelming, and emotions can spill over as reactions instead of responses.

Learn four of the most effective breathing techniques to calm your nervous system quickly:

• Physiological sigh

• Box breathing

• Extended exhale breathing

• Cooling (Sitali) breath

Mindful Pause & Breath

The first and best thing you can do when strong, negative feelings begin to arise is to pause, think, and become aware of the feelings, then integrate whichever breathing technique you want to use in that particular moment, if necessary. Sometimes, just this simple, mindful pause and one deep breath are all you need.

Here's how:

1. Notice the trigger (tight chest, raised voice, racing mind, etc.).

2. Stop what you're doing or thinking.

3. Take one conscious deep breath — in through the nose, out through the mouth.

4. Feel your feet, your hands, and the air moving through you.

5. Begin your breathwork technique of choice.

Why it works: It introduces a small gap between stimulus and response — that split second where awareness returns before the emotional wave takes over. This mindful pause helps re-engage the prefrontal cortex (your reasoning and self-control center) and quiet the amygdala’s fight-or-flight response. Even one slow, conscious breath can lower your heart rate, soften muscle tension, and give your body a cue of safety.

Use it when: You notice yourself starting to react — voice rising, chest tightening, or thoughts racing. One deliberate pause and breath can interrupt the escalation before it turns into an outburst.

The most important thing to remember is to slow down. Slow, paced breathing (≈4–6 breaths/min — “resonance/coherent” breathing) has the strongest and most consistent evidence for reducing anxiety and increasing parasympathetic/vagal activity.

Taking a mindful pause and consistently breathing consciously can stimulate neuroplasticity— strengthening neural pathways that support calm, focus, and self-regulation.

Here are four well-tested methods you can use to prevent an outburst or calm down quickly:

1. Physiological Sigh (fastest nervous system reset)

How-to: Two inhales followed by a long, slow exhale.

• Inhale deeply through the nose.

• Take a second, fast, short inhale on top of it (to fully expand the lungs).

• Exhale slowly and completely through the mouth with pursed lips.

  
  

Why it works: This is a built-in reflex your body uses to release carbon dioxide buildup and deactivate the stress response. It instantly calms the amygdala and balances oxygen–CO₂ levels.

Use it when: You feel a surge of anger or panic starting to build.

2. Box Breathing (4–4–4–4)

How-to:

• Inhale through the nose for 4 counts

• Hold for 4 counts

• Exhale through the mouth for 4 counts

• Hold again for 4 counts

  
  

Why it works: Used by Navy SEALs for emotional control under stress, it steadies heart rate and increases focus. The equal rhythm gives your body a sense of predictability and control.

Use it when: You’re tense, overwhelmed, or before responding to something triggering.

Read more about the box breath.

3. Extended Exhale Breathing (easiest)

How-to:

• Inhale gently for 3-4 counts

• Exhale slowly for 6–8 counts

  
  

Why it works: Lengthening your exhale activates the parasympathetic (rest-and-digest) nervous system. It physically signals to your body: “I’m safe now.”

Use it when: You need to de-escalate anxiety, frustration, or racing thoughts.

 4. Cooling Breath (Sitali breath)

How-to:

• Roll your tongue (or purse your lips like sipping through a straw).

• Inhale through the tongue or lips.

• Exhale through the nose.

  
  

Why it works: This literally cools the body and soothes inner heat — great for anger, irritation, or emotional “overheating.”

Use it when: You feel reactive, hot, or emotionally charged.

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Resources

• ‘“Cyclic sighing” can help breathe away anxiety’ — Stanford Medicine (Feb 2023) Stanford Medicine+1

• The Impact of Resonance Frequency Breathing on Measures of Heart Rate Variability, Blood Pressure, and Mood — Steffen PR, Austin T, DeBarros A, Brown T (2017) Frontiers

• Effect of Resonance Breathing on Heart Rate Variability and Cognitive Functions in Young Adults: A Randomised Controlled Study — Chaitanya, Datta, Bhandari et al. (2022) PMC

• Brief structured respiration practices enhance mood and reduce physiological arousal — Yilmaz Balban M et al. (2023) PMC+1

• Integrating Breathing Techniques Into Psychotherapy to Improve HRV — Frontiers in Psychology (2021) Frontiers

• Heart rate variability and slow-paced breathing — Nature Scientific Reports (2021) Nature